It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
