I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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