yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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