we have officially lost it.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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