Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
