i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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