addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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