Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Im part way to drunk.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
