just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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