Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
