Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
