It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
