I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
