Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
