You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
