Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize