i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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