dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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