apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i love accidental penises.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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