i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize