so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I want to fling myself into the sun
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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