I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
