Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Less talking, more tequila
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
