I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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