you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
