My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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