You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
