My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
