Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
