Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
