Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
