Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
