How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
