I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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