The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
