Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
