I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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