trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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