I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
