Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
