guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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