She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
