Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
