I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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