I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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