Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
