Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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