yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
