i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
where are my pants?
in the oven.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
