I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
worst night to have a conscience
I intend to get homeless drunk
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
it's like heaven, but drunker
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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