did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
