All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
