Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
