that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
All the doctor said was why
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
