from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
