I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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