Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
