last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why are your pants in the freezer?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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