the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize