Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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