You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
