I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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