Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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