I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just gargled with NyQuil
my liver is dry heaving
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
