i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize