Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
