Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
